Dating Freedom

What is it about being alone, or not in a relationship that is so difficult for some people to do? I often wonder what is it that we’re hiding from ourselves that makes us want to constantly be involved with another person and not allow us to focus on us? I know many people who have jumped from relationship to relationship without even having the time to consider themselves truly single. They get out of one relationship, and jump right into another one. At what point in your life can you say that you’ve had time for yourself to truly get to know who you are.

“Being single is a great time to grow spiritually, to become your foundation for future relationships” -Owen CampbellLonely Woman

I can understand how scary the thought of being alone is. We are human, naturally we are social creatures who aren’t meant to live our lives alone. We all want to feel loved, accepted, recognized and validated by a significant other. But at what cost are we willing to take to go through such heartache, unhappiness, sadness, misery, turmoil, and drama for the sake of being involved in a relationship that may not be meant for us to be in? Being in a relationship fueled by love is so amazing, yet being in a relationship that has so much negativity engrained into it is unhealthy for us in so many ways.

When we’re involved in relationship that is toxic to us, it’s hard to walk away from it. I’ve been there, and I know the feeling. Its fear of the unknown, not knowing if you’ll find someone else again, or not wanting to leave because so much time was invested. It’s uncomfortable to think about. It’s scary. Its FEAR…F-alse E-xperiences A-ppearing R-eal. The biggest commonality that I notice when we stay in relationships that may not be for us is when we hope that the other person will change. The truth is, the person that you should be worried about changing is yourself. You will not change anyone. You can help bring about change, or you can inspire someone to change, but you can’t change anyone, especially, if they are not ready to change. I notice this a lot with women. As women, we work so hard into putting time and effort into our men in hopes that they can change yet, things continue to stay the same. Should you decide to leave that person, it will be their decision if they feel as though they need to change in order to win you back. If they decide to do the work, and try to win you back, at that point, it is your decision if you want to get involved again with that person. Who knows, the time spent apart may be the thing that makes you better, or your ex better. Regardless of how you feel, true love wants the best for your significant other, with you or without you in their lives.

“Being single is a great time to grow spiritually, to become your foundation for future relationships” -Owen Campbell

There is nothing wrong with being alone. Being alone does not mean that you are lonely. As a society, we tend to look down upon the idea of being alone, or growing old and lonely. The single life affords you many opportunities that you don’t easily get if you’re in a relationship. Being single should be looked as an expression and extension of freedom. That is the time, that you should do almost everything that you’ve ever wanted to do. Everything that you do is an experience and is a lesson. Going into a brand new relationship with a whole bunch of lessons under your belt isn’t bad at all. Do not rush into a relationship out of the fear of being single. Get to know who you are. Fall in love with yourself. Always keep your identity.

“Being single is a great time to grow spiritually, to become your foundation for future relationships” -Owen Campbell

Being involved in a long-term relationship, I felt as though I had no identity besides being someone’s girlfriend. I would get so caught up in this individual, that I didn’t even give myself a second thought. Everything that was done, was done with him in mind. Every plan that I made, was made with him in mind. It was as though, my entire life, revolved around him and this relationship with him. I remember having countless arguments with him because I would constantly feel as though I put some much thought, effort and concern into what we had, but did not feel as though he gave as much as I did. It wasn’t until that relationship ended that I had time to reflect, to cry, to grow, to cry some more, to feel pain, grow some more, and to learn from my mistakes. I had time to figure out what I wanted versus things that I didn’t want. Even more enlightening to me was that some of the things that I thought I didn’t want in a relationship, I actually did want, and vice-versa. I don’t think these revelations would have come to me had I not had the time to myself.

“Being single is a great time to grow spiritually, to become your foundation for future relationships” -Owen Campbell

All of this does not automatically come with the package of being single, but this is something that we have to seek for. The end of a relationship, no matter what sort of relationship it is, is a time that we must reflect and learn. We don’t want the same baggage to come along with us in to the next relationship. Being single is the time to become the best you that you can be so that when the next person comes along, you have a more solid foundation to nurture a blossoming relationship. Get to know who you are. Fall in love with yourself. Always keep your identity.

Deciding when to let go of a relationship is transformational. When we decide to end relationships, to create good karma and fight bad karma, always wish that person peace and love, and let go of it. Karma works in good ways and in bad ways.



Categories: Change, Emotions, Faith, Feelings, Healing, Love

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Some great comments. An older person told me one time, “It is better to be single than to wish you were.” Very true words.

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