Why do we find it so difficult to be happy for other peoples success?
Why do we find it so difficult to encourage others to be successful?
Why is it that we intentionally want people to not be just as successful as we are?
This is often referred to as being a “hater”. A hater is not simply a person who has hate for another, but the term “hater” is usually referred to as a person who is not supportive, or jealous of someone else. Now, the person who is a hater, doesn’t necessarily want to be like the person they are jealous of, but they may display behaviors where they attempt to knock someone down. The hater is quick to turn a positive situation into something ill-will, or negative.
From my experience, I have developed a theory on “haters.” Being a hater implies multiply things, but I’ll focus on two. The first thing that it implies is that you are uncomfortable with someones success. For whatever reason, we choose not to support them and want to focus your immediate thoughts on something negative. The second thing that it implies is that when you hate on another person, it implies that you know what is better for that person, more than they do themselves.
We’ve all experienced those situations where instead of celebrating someones good news, we take the wrong turn and say or think something negative. Your best friend gets engaged, and all you can think about is how much cuter you are than her and you should be the one engaged and not her. Or your co-worker got the promotion that you wanted but now you’re wondering how you’re going to sabotage the position for him.
Being happy for other people is not an easy thing to do, especially when their success is something that you want in your life. Sometimes we’re aware of it and sometimes we’re not. But we can not let that deter us from celebrating the success of someone. The good that you put out there will come back to you. The bad that you put out there will come back to you. It is law! It is Karmic law. We should not be threatened by the success of others.
We are not in any position to judge peoples life. I know, I know, we can’t help it sometimes. It’s not as though we intentionally try to, but we need to get into the habit of training our mind to not engage in judgmental thoughts. We can do that by immediately recognizing these thoughts and replacing it with something positive. For example, a friend has been out of work for quite some time. He tells you one day that he just got a job working at McDonalds. You immediately think to yourself, “McDonalds? What kind of grown man gets a job working at McDonalds?” You notice the thought, and let it go. You now replace it with. “That’s awesome, I know it may not be what you wanted but its a source of income for now until you’re able to get something you wanted. This is good news.” It’s always a great thing when we can encourage others and uplift them.Its a process and with due time, you can learn to master this, and you’ll slowly begin to notice how your thoughts change.
No one’s success will ever undermine yours because we should truly be happy for other people, and it starts with being happy with ourselves. If you’ve read my other blog posts, you should know that I am a huge fan of self-improvement and self-reflection. When you notice that you are hating one someone else, try to figure out why. Is there something about her good news that you are silently envying? Do you notice any particular feelings and emotions that arise when you notice yourself criticizing someone’s situation? Also take note of the people around you who seem to always want to hate on other people. I’ve come to realize that those people who are constantly hating on other people, have self-esteem issues, and have some personal issues that they need to work on.
Being a hater implies that you are uncomfortable with someones success and at times it can imply that you know more about what is better for that person than they do themselves. What is important is that we must always be happy for other people. Be sincerely happy for other people, whether you know them or not. Instead of consciously, or unconsciously, trying to bring people down, find the positive light in any situation and congratulate or compliment people for any good news or success that is bestowed upon them. Don’t ever be envious of someone, because while it may appear that they have it all, you don’t know how they went about getting it all. Be happy for people. Celebrate with others. Rejoice in their good times and always wish them well.